Tonight’s the night. You were too tired to make dinner, so you’re ordering takeout. You’ve put on your pajamas and turned off your phone. Your significant other is coming over any minute now, but first… conversation starters! What should we talk about? Here are some ideas:
Date Night Conversation Starters for Married Couples
Conversation helps keep the relationship close.
There are a lot of different ways to keep a conversation going. If you want to talk about the most recent episode of your favorite show, whether or not it’s OK to eat popcorn in bed, or if your significant other has been acting weird lately, just go for it. You don’t have to start every interaction with one of these questions! But they’re sure helpful when you’re trying to find something new and exciting that will help keep the relationship fresh and fun (and maybe even make things better than they were before).
What’s the happiest part of your day?
If you’re looking for a new conversation starter, try asking your spouse what’s the happiest part of their day. Then listen intently as they tell you about their day and how it made them feel. This question is especially great for those who don’t want a long-drawn-out conversation but want to get closer in an easy way.
What’s the worst part of your day?
This is an easy topic to start with because it doesn’t require much thought to answer. It also helps you connect with each other by getting a glimpse into what your partner’s day looks like.
Who are you most grateful for?
- What is the most amazing thing that has happened to you in the last week?
- What are your biggest dreams and goals for your future? Do they include anything about your relationship with me, or do we have different priorities?
Is there anything I can do to make life easier for you?
Is there anything I can do to make life easier for you? This is the perfect question when you want to show your partner that you’re thinking about them and what they need. This question can lead to a discussion on how they feel like they’re not getting enough help or support, or it can be used as an opportunity to talk about any needs of yours as well.
If you could get a free pass to break the law just once, what crime would you commit?
- What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever done just to make your spouse laugh?
- If you could get a free pass to break the law just once, what crime would you commit?
- What was your favorite place to visit together before you were married?
What’s one thing from your childhood that made a big impression on you?
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. Without trust, there’s no way you can truly be happy. So, make sure to always talk about things that matter, so that you can build that trust up even more.
- Don’t hold back on what you’re feeling or thinking. That goes for both of you! It’s important to be honest with each other if something isn’t working out, so don’t be afraid to voice your concerns if they come up.
- Learn how to communicate more effectively by asking questions like “What are some of the things we should do together?” or “How did he/she treat me at that time?” This will help open up new doors for conversation and help strengthen your bond together as a couple!
Do you think we spend enough time with each other?
This question can be a great way to get the conversation started. It’s also a good idea to discuss this as soon as you see each other so that your date night doesn’t end up being just another day at home doing chores and watching TV. If your partner is busy or distracted all the time, tell them how much it means to you when they make time for you. And don’t forget: sometimes it’s fun to just spend some quality time together by yourselves—no kids allowed!
What’s something that inspires hope in humanity?
This is a perfect conversation starter because it lets you explore your partner’s values and beliefs. It also allows you to talk about things that matter to you as a couple, like an environment and global politics.
Is there anything I can do more to show you how much I love you?
- Do you think we’re doing a good job of showing each other love and affection?
- If we were on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is the worst and 10 is the best, where would you rank our relationship in terms of loving each other and being affectionate with each other?
What was your favorite age and why?
- Do you feel like you were the same person at that age as you are now, or is there a big difference?
- Would you like to go back and change anything about how you were as a child or teen?
On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate today? Why did you pick that number?
You: On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate today? Why did you pick that number?
Your partner: Well, it was pretty good. I mean, there were definitely some issues but overall it was pretty good. I’d say around an eight or nine.
You: Great! What made it so great?
If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
This is a great question to ask on date night. It can help you get to know your partner better and also show that you’re interested in learning about their interests and hobbies.
The answer might reveal some interesting things about the person’s personality, but even if it doesn’t, asking this question is still a good way to start a conversation with your spouse!
Have we created any new family traditions lately that you’ve been enjoying?
- What do they look like?
- Why did we start them?
- How can I help support our family traditions?
What does happiness look like to you?
When it comes to describing happiness, the metaphor of the water glass is a common one. It’s easy to picture in your mind: a tall, clear glass filled with water and sitting on a table. But what happens when someone takes the last few drops of water from that glass? In some cases, you might top off your own glass before anyone else notices how little remain. In other cases—maybe if everyone catches sight of how little it is left—you turn around and refill it from another source. Either way, you’ll have gotten yourself some good old-fashioned sustenance (and maybe even got them jealous!).
In our relationships with others or ourselves, we often assume that happiness requires “getting our needs met” or “getting what we want.” But these are just external things we can get; they don’t necessarily nourish us deeply or provide us with long-term satisfaction! I’m not saying those things aren’t worth pursuing — but too much focus on getting more for ourselves can leave us feeling empty inside regardless of whether we actually get what we’re after!
What was the best advice anyone ever gave you?
“What was the best advice anyone ever gave you?
This is a great question because it can help you gain insight into your partner’s past and the things that shaped the person they are today. If you’re looking for a deep conversation starter, then this is a perfect option. You’ll learn about your partner’s life and how they got to where they are today.”
If you were a superhero, what would your powers be?
If you were a superhero, what would your powers be?
I know it sounds silly, but this question really can help you get to know each other. It helps open up the conversation and set the tone for some fun and flirty banter between you two.
Who is your greatest role model and why?
Asking this question is a great way to find out what your partner’s values are, and how they like to spend their time. You can also use it as a jumping-off point for a conversation about how you both want to raise your kids.
Is there anything at all that I could do more of to make your day easier or more enjoyable?
What things could I do to make your day easier or more enjoyable?
- It’s a great question to ask when you’re in the mood for a good talk. It’s especially helpful if you’re noticing that one or both of you is having an off day and needs something uplifting. Perhaps your husband has had a stressful week at work, or maybe your wife was up all night with the baby who hit his head on the coffee table while stumbling into mommy’s arms—whatever it is that’s causing her pain, this question can help open up dialogue and remind each other how much love and care we have for each other.
What’s the first thing we should do when this quarantine is over?
You and the love of your life are stuck in a room together for an indeterminate amount of time. The good news is that there’s plenty to talk about! The bad news is that it’s not going to be easy. How do you get through it?
Start small, with something as simple as asking your partner what they want to do first when this quarantine is over. They might say they want to go on a hike or take a trip somewhere exotic (or even just visit their parents). Once you’ve gotten that far, ask them what they’re looking forward to most about being back out in the world again. If you feel comfortable doing so, share those things with each other too!
These are great questions for married couples to use on date nights.
- How do you feel about your relationship right now?
- What do you think would make it better?
- What’s the biggest obstacle to your happiness in this relationship?
Discuss what you would do to improve your marriage.
You and your spouse should discuss what you would do to improve your marriage. This conversation starter can be used in a variety of ways, but it’s most effective when it’s related to a specific area of your relationship. For example, if you have been struggling with infertility, the question could be: “If we were able to have another child, how would that change our family life?” Or if one or both of you is considering an affair with someone at work or elsewhere, use this as an opportunity for open and honest communication with your partner about what happened.”
Discuss what your future together looks like.
- Talk about what your future together looks like.
- What will be different?
- How do you see each other five years down the road?
Share your guilty pleasures.
Whether it’s a pastime that you’re embarrassed to admit or an obsession that makes you feel like a total weirdo, there’s no need to have secrets from one another once the wedding bells ring. Letting go of some shame about what makes you feel good can help bring your relationship closer together—and who knows? Sharing the things that make you feel good may even inspire your partner to get into those things as well!
Discuss what you like best and least about your bodies.
One of the most fun ways to get to know each other is by sharing what you like about your partner’s body. It can be as simple as telling them something you love about their eyes or something more complex, like a secret desire for abdominal definition. This conversation starter requires nothing but honesty and trust, which makes it great for couples who have been together for years and are looking to rekindle the passion they once had.
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Talk about the first time you met or married each other.
Talking about the first time you met or married each other is a great way to get things going. You can reminisce about how nervous you were, and how it felt like love at first sight when in reality it was probably just chemistry. You can also discuss what made you decide to ask them out in the first place, or why they agreed to go on a date with you (if their answer isn’t flattering). This is an especially good question if one of your parents disapproves of your relationship—they might open up more by telling their story than giving opinions about yours.
This question works best if both partners are comfortable sharing personal details about themselves and each other publicly. If one partner isn’t comfortable doing so yet, try another topic instead!
Discuss important issues that relate to your future together like children, money, work, and religion.
Talk about important issues that relate to your future together like children, money, work, and religion.
This is a good time to discuss long-term goals and dreams. It’s also helpful for couples to talk about what each partner wants out of life so they can build their lives together in a way that works for both people.
Marriages are strengthened through open communication
When you and your spouse are on the same page, there’s nothing more empowering than that. And when you’re not? It can feel like the world is falling apart. But if you’re willing to work through it, I’m here to help. Let’s take a look at some conversation starters for married couples:
- What was your favorite part of today?
- What do you think about our relationship right now?
- How would your life be different if we didn’t get married?
The last one is a doozy!
Here’s how it goes: “How do we make sure that our relationship always stays healthy?”
- What was the funniest thing that happened to you when you were a kid?
- Tell me about your favorite book.
- Who was your first crush?
Talking about the bad times can be a way to help you forgive each other, and it’s also a great way to remind yourself that you’ve both come through some pretty difficult situations.
You might find it helpful to discuss how your relationship has changed since then, how you’ve grown as individuals, and what new things you’ve learned about each other in the process.
What we’re afraid will happen?
You and your spouse are a team, but that doesn’t mean you agree on everything. While some people may want to discuss them, others may not feel comfortable talking about their disagreements in the first place. To avoid this situation, it’s important to always be on the same page when making plans or decisions together—and even more so if they involve another person. If there’s something bothering one or both of you, now is the time to address it directly rather than let it fester for days or weeks before blowing up into an argument later in the week!
- What our date night looks like now that we have kids (if applicable).
A lot has changed since those early days when all either of us had to worry about was getting ready for dinner and making sure there were enough condoms lying around for when things got hot between us again. Nowadays there are children involved! So how do we make sure that everyone gets what they need from our little family unit? We set aside time every week where just me and my husband can get away without distractions from work or schoolwork coming along with us. It helps us stay connected despite all these other responsibilities vying for our attention too often these days…
What’s bothering us about each other?
Talking points: This can be a difficult conversation to start, but it’s important. If you’re in a long-term relationship, there are probably things that annoy your partner that you don’t even realize! It’s worth talking about them if you want to make your marriage work for the long haul—and we all want that.
- The most common issues I see in my couples counseling practice relate back to money and sex (in whatever order). Those two subjects are tough ones for people to talk about, so if those seem too difficult or uncomfortable for now, just pick one or two from this list:
What we’re proud of each other for?
When you think about it, our partners are probably the most impressive people we know. They’re the ones who hear us when we’re having a bad day and help us see things from a different perspective. They’re also there for us when we have good news or an exciting opportunity, which is something that can’t be said for many other friends and family members.
So, what do you like about your partner? Maybe they are really good at keeping their cool in stressful situations; maybe they’re creative and always coming up with ideas to make live more fun, or maybe they just make the best tacos in town (that would be me). Whatever it may be, it’s worth talking about!
And if you don’t feel like sharing right now, write down all of your thoughts beforehand so that when date night comes around again next week—or even next month—you’ll have something to talk about with your special someone over some delicious food (and hopefully some wine).
If your spouse could change one thing about you, what would it be?
What do you think the answer to that question says about the state of your relationship? Is it an area of improvement, or is this something that has been a part of your spouse’s list of complaints for some time now? You may have come to accept it as part of who they are, but what if your spouse had a chance to mold you into something completely different? Would they do so if given the opportunity? What would be their first step towards changing things up in bed or at work…or wherever else it might be necessary.
What is your most recent happy memory?
- Tell them about the last time you felt happy.
- How did it make you feel?
- What was going on in your life at the time?
If you could give your younger self advice, what would you tell them?
- Don’t get married too young.
- Live in the moment and do what makes you happy.
- Don’t let anyone hold you back from your dreams!
What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?
- How much do you like ice cream?
- What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?
- Do you like hot fudge sundaes? Or just plain vanilla?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
This is a fun one that can branch off into discussing what kinds of places each person would prefer to live. Some might say they’re more urban, while others might be more interested in living out their days in the country. If you’re thinking about a move or want to see whether your spouse might be interested in moving somewhere else, this is a great place to start talking about it.
If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be?
What would you ask God?
This is a great way for couples to get out of the box and talk about things they might not normally bring up. It’s also a good way of changing up your conversation from something mundane or stale; by asking an interesting question, you can help keep things fresh and exciting in your relationship!
What is your favorite family vacation you’ve ever been on?
I think it’s important to do some of the things that were memorable from your childhood, and then add new experiences on top of them. My husband and I are big fans of road trips, so we took our daughter across country in her stroller when she was a baby. We had so much fun!
I also like backpacking with my husband; it’s a great way to get away from everything else in our lives and just focus on each other. We’ve been doing this since before our daughter was born (she’s seven now), and I think those trips have helped us stay connected as a couple through all these years together.
If you had to pick a new first name, what name would you pick?
When you think about it, the name you have is a fairly arbitrary choice. I mean, your parents could have named you anything and chose not to. So why not choose a new name for yourself? What would it be? Would it be something that fits your personality or maybe something that reminds you of something in specific?
What are some other interesting conversation starters for married couples?
What is the first thing you do every morning?
>You: “What is the first thing you do every morning?”
>Your partner: “I wake up. Its pretty much a given.”
Share with your partner your favorite place to visit as a child.
Sharing your favorite place to visit as a child is a great conversation starter. It will take you back to simpler times, and it gives you both an opportunity to think about how far you’ve come. You can discuss what it was that made the place so special for you, or if there’s anything different about it now than when you were younger.
If there are any particular landmarks or locations that are important in your early memories, talk about them together and consider visiting them again. For example, if your parents took their kids on vacation every summer until they got too old for summer camp, this could be a good way for all of them to reconnect with each other again!
What did you like to do as a teenager that you don’t do now?
- What was your favorite part of the day when you were in high school?
- When did you first realize that he/she was the one for you?
Name something that never fails to make you laugh.
- Daughter: “Mom, why do you have a cold glass of water in the freezer?”
- Mom: “It’s for my husband. He loves it.”
Taking time out of your busy life to connect with your spouse is important
You may not realize it, but taking time out of your busy lives to connect with your spouse is important.
There’s a lot going on in our lives as couples, and even more when you add kids into the mix. In order for our relationship to survive, we need to make sure we’re communicating with each other about what’s going on in our lives.
I hope this list of questions was helpful to you. I know that it can be difficult to think of what to say on a date night with your spouse, but I promise that just being there for each other and listening is enough. Sometimes trying to be funny or interesting can take away from the intimacy of sharing an evening together. If you’re looking for more great conversation starters, check out our blog post all about dating advice!