Funny Facebook Statuses That Will Get Comments

 

Funny Facebook Statuses That Will Get Comments are the best kind of statuses, right? Everyone loves a good laugh and having their friends comment on your wall. I know I do. Depending on what kind of audience you’re appealing to, you might want to take into consideration the type of humor you use when writing posts on Facebook. And by “type of humor”, I mean quality vs. quantity.

 

Funny Facebook Statuses That Will Get Comments

  • I think the best way to attract a man is to tell him you are poor, desperate, and ugly. He will run right over to help.

 

  • I swear I’ll be good…but first, let me take a selfie.

 

  • Is my phone broken? Because I haven’t received a text from you in three weeks

 

  • I have to be frank with you. I don’t have time to be witty right now.

 

  • If you find my sarcasm offensive, I’m pretty sure we can’t be friends.

 

  • I wish I had Google in my mind & antivirus in my heart.

 

  • You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender recognizes you before the bouncer.

 

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

 

  • I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

 

  • I’m really good at stuff until that moment when I’m told to do it.

 

  • I wish there was a more permanent block feature, not just 24-hour block.

 

  • #TBT that time I made a terrible mistake.

 

  • I’m not saying it was aliens, but… it was aliens.”The world is missing out on my mad Photoshop skills because I’m too lazy to learn how to use it.

 

  • “When people ask me how my day is going, I say: ‘All in all, I’d rather be on the side of a cereal box’.” But then why are you on Facebook?

 

  • I like hashtags because they look like waffles

 

  • Someone asked me how my weekend was. I told them it was fine, but they weren’t satisfied so they told me to go into more detail.

 

  • I asked my Twitter followers what the best caption for this photo is, and so far no one seems to get it…

 

  • 5 out of 6 people agree that I should have put this caption.

 

  • Some people are like slinkies … not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

 

  • I’m not always sarcastic, just usually.

 

  • Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

 

  • When people ask me why I moved to New York, I tell them that it’s because the rent is too high in Beverly Hills.

 

  • I’m only a morning person on December 25th

 

  • I wonder what happens when you skip a razor blade?

 

  • The reality of the situation is that my mind has the capacity to overthink anything.

 

  • Everyone is going to be okay.

 

  • I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention.A selfie a day keeps the doctor away….right?

 

  • I need someone to say “hey…don’t you have a test coming up in a few days? Maybe you should start studying” ☀🍂

 

  • I’m feeling so proud of myself this morning. I made it to the gym. I literally put sweats on and … got on the couch 🎉

 

  • I’m not trying to be annoying, I’m just naturally weird.

 

  • My definition of a double standard: When my wife falls asleep on the couch, it’s time to go to bed. When I fall asleep on the couch, it’s time for her to go to bed.

 

  • My life is better than your vacation.

 

  • The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.

 

  • Whenever someone says “I’m fine,” I automatically say “Liar! You lie!”

 

  • Getting a new bike is the only thing I have to look forward to these days.

 

  • You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

 

  • If you love something, set it free. Unless it’s a tiger.

 

  • I wonder where the CTRL + Z option is when you have made a mistake in real life. I had no idea who she is and told her I love her too. Thanks, Facebook autofill.

 

  • Looking for Mr. Right. Please be tall, dark, and handsome. I’m tired of dating Mr. All Right Now.

 

  • I’m starting to like Facebook. It’s the only place where I can talk to people without having to listen to them.

 

  • Yeah, I’m single, but you’re gonna have to be pretty amazing to change that.

 

  • Sends photo of self to “opposite sex” for approval. ★

 

  • So, my friend asked if they could borrow $10…and being the good friend I am, I said “yes”.

 

  • I was going to get a tattoo of my dog but I didn’t know if you were supposed to get one before or after it died

 

  • For a good time, call ________.

 

  • Doing my part to help the environment by not having kids.

 

  • I don’t need an inspirational quote, I need people to stop asking me what’s wrong.

 

  • I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated not to do anything.

 

  • I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

 

  • In a world full of trends, I want to remain a classic.

 

  • I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens.

 

  • A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. Is it just me or don’t we all want to be a bit more adorable than we actually are?

 

  • The only thing I pull faster than my hair is my credit card when shopping!

 

  • Just realized I can be the kind of person I always wanted to be. Good Morning.

 

  • I can speak at least five languages: English, Sarcasm, Profanity, Witty comebacks, and Eye-rolling.

 

  • How do I delete my Facebook account?

 

  • Is it just me or does anyone else feel like their purse is a bottomless pit? Just when I think I found my keys, I pull out a box of crayons.

 

  • I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than other people.

 

  • I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I take it out of the fridge so it’s closer to room temperature when I open it.

 

  • Wrote my first original song today, here it goes… “I like big cups and I cannot lie.” 🎵

 

  • I broke all my resolutions. Thank goodness.

 

  • Don’t steal. The government hates competition.

 

  • Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

  • They say that “Time changes people” but in reality, they are just exposed.

 

 

  • I hate when people say, ‘Make me laugh.’ I’m not a comedian. If you want to get laughed at, go to the comedy show down the street.

 

  • When I’m sad and have no makeup on, my cat still thinks I’m beautiful.

 

  • The good news is that my life has a superb cast. The bad news is that I can’t remember my lines and I hate being on stage.

 

  • Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

 

  • I can’t help you. I have a problem of my own – I like to talk, and that’s the problem.

 

  • When people ask me if I know any great jokes, I have to say “I don’t know. I only know the ones that aren’t funny.”

 

  • I agree that they should just bring back the electric chair…I’m getting tired of charging my phone!

 

  • When you’re at school and see a salad bar.

 

  • The best way to observe a fish is to become a fish, but that would mean I wouldn’t be able to use my phone.

 

  • I’m in a relationship with food.

 

  • I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding

 

  • If you like me, I’ll put your name in a circle, rather than a heart, because hearts can break and circles go on forever.

 

  • I hate when I’m singing along to a song and it’s totally wrong.

 

  • ‘I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk, we go to parties.’ – W.C. Fields

 

  • Wow, I thought I was ugly until I saw a picture of you.

 

  • I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.

 

  • A recent study revealed that women prefer to date men who have a clear understanding of grammar and punctuation.

 

  • I’m not saying your hair looks like a broom, but I was asked to sweep the kitchen 30 minutes ago, and here we are.

 

  • I love my shower, but it feels like the only time I get to be really alone is in the car.

 

  • True happiness is coming home to a dog and a husband who are glad to see you.

 

  • I’m having deja vu, or maybe I just read these captions before.

 

  • I miss being only 12 years old, when my parents would tell me to get lost and I literally had no idea where to go.

 

  • Why do I always forget the password for my wifi? #weirdo

 

  • My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

 

  • If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

 

  • What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?

 

  • I’m not really a selfie person. I just do it for the comments.

 

  • Hey, we’re putting out a new ad today. Remember: Like if you agree; share if you love it! 😂

 

  • I’d love to get into a relationship but then I decided it was cheaper just to continue drinking.

 

  • he tried to sell me a red paperclip on Twitter but I wasn’t in the market for one.

 

  • Mark Zuckerberg’s dog, a Puli Sheepdog, is named Beast.

 

  • Worked a double shift at the same time that my house burned down. #FunFriday

 

  • Will it be extra if I order a coffee and don’t drink it?

 

  • It has been scientifically proven that those who have a deep understanding of physics, chemistry, and mathematics are more likely to be attracted to people who don’t understand physics, chemistry, and mathematics. 🔬 📚

 

  • I need a six-month holiday, twice a year. -Albert Einstein

 

  • So much to do, so little motivation.

 

  • I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

 

  • Good morning people, I see the assassins have failed

 

  • I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

 

  • If you are ever feeling under the weather, put a hat on. If that doesn’t work, keep adding hats until you feel better.

 

  • Life is too short for long-term grudges!

Leave a Comment